I Love this paragraph but my favorite line is "Love him through it." We've all been there. We all have felt this before thinking "if only he would allow me to, I have the power to change the circumstance with LOVE. I can LOVE him through it!" Sometimes you have to step back and let them be. Let them make their choices. Let them go. This is where "Let go and Let God" really comes to play. It's a hard thing to do but you have to do it.
A few parts of Chapter three: My Friends call me Sadie
Is it crazy to want something so bad that you can only see what you want to in a relationship? Is that crazy to have felt it and yet still deny it?
Okay, so I’m crazy. Crazy for still loving him that is, despite where I am right now. Crazy for allowing him to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world for him then discarding me, making me feel like the floor is where I belong. I should have questioned him that night. I should have been more in tune with where his heart was, or where his head was, especially during his reminiscing. He wanted reassurance. He wanted to confirm his decision. Why did I not pick up on that?
I remembered that first kiss in his car this morning and all those soft kisses that followed. And by remembering I mean longed for them. And by longed for them I mean would have given anything today to have them back, given anything to talk to him. I had even promised myself I wouldn’t ask him why. If he would just give me time, I knew I could love him through it.
There are times in our lives when we really feel abandoned, we feel as though The Good Lord is not hearing are prayers. Mostly because we are not getting the answers we think we should. When you're broken you feel as though everything and everyone has left you. You have those that reach out to you but all you can see is what's at the center of your brokenness. Nothing else matters.
If your broken now, know there is always hope. There will be a day when you are no longer broken. The sun will shine. Tomorrow will be a better day. Take it one moment at a time. Then one day at a time. This too shall pass! The Good Lord never leaves you, you just can't feel him thru the mudd that soaks your soul during this time. Stay in prayer and never lose hope! Time heals.
Excerpt from Chapter Five: The Floor and my Girl Sofie
Maybe I’ve missed God. Maybe I’ve missed our time we used to share and that special time alone on the outer window ledge where we’d meet when I was a child. Maybe I no longer have that little piece of Heaven in my heart. These past few months I know I have been consumed with the wedding. Had I forgotten to thank him?
Had I forgotten to thank the Good Lord for the love that I had found in Radley? Was this why it all fell apart? My prayers have consumed me in the past few days and they haven’t been of what I needed the most. I’ve somehow missed something in my prayers. I’ve somehow stepped off the path of healing and not been asking for the most important thing of all now. Peace. I’ve lost my peace.
I’ve been praying to be with the man that with every breath of his being had destroyed my heart, my soul, and my future. I had been praying for more of him, asking to have him in my life and pleading with God for me to be a part of his. I had been praying against my peace and not realizing it. Not realizing too, that he’d be the death of me; the death of my heart and center of my brokenness.
When you’re low in your life, you pray. You talk to God. You dictate to him what you think you need. You spend hours asking why. Why me, Lord? You don’t understand when you don’t get the answer you want to hear. You feel alone and abandoned. I was growing tired of praying but I didn’t like the feeling of abandonment. I felt God leaving me; leaving me alone to deal with my sadness. Truth is I didn’t want to be alone. I would have never chosen this. I wanted to be in love. That’s all I wanted. Now my Radley had abandoned me. My God had abandoned me. My peace was no more.
Meet W.H. Matlack
What am I working on?
I divide my time among promoting my first novel published by Solstice Horizons, Noir Town, completing work on my second novel for Summer Solstice titled, Waiting to Run, and writing my third novel, Something Special.
Noir Town is a classic noir mystery involving a small family, all of whom have worked with clandestine organizations such as the CIA, that uncover a sinister sex trafficking conspiracy involving powerful figures of New York’s upper echelon. The conspiracy falls apart as the perpetrators learn that it doesn’t pay to “mess with family.”
Waiting to Run is a supernatural tale involving the ghosts of Lee Harvey Oswald, Jack Ruby, Dorothy Kilgallen, and a reluctant witch all battling for the fate of the universe itself.
At this point Something Special could turn out to be just about anything, but it will involve the use of memory to change the past and affect the future, yet it will not be a time-travel story.
How does my work differ from others of it’s genre?
I try to develop interesting characters who are full of surprises and not what the reader expects. I also like to unfold plotlines that are unexpected and often involve historical elements as well as the less well-known theories of science and cosmology such as quantum states and the holographic universe.
Why do I write what I do?
I love to make up stories that will take the reader out of his world and allow him to spend some time in mine. I view myself as being like the ancient, tribal storyteller who settles down with the tribe after a long day of hunting, avoiding danger, and after their meager meal has been consumed, cooked by the open fire. The tribe turns tired eyes to the storyteller waiting for him to take them to far lands filled with exciting adventures and an occasional laugh. The fire reflects in the storyteller’s eyes as another tale begins. “Once upon a time…”
How does my writing process work?
My favorite quote of all time comes from Lewis Carroll who said, “I sent Alice down the rabbit hole with no idea what she would find down there.” For me, writing is its own experience. I cannot engineer what will happen. I start with some sort of plot device, but as the writing process unfolds, the characters begin talking to me and creating themselves. It is as if my brain is a witch’s caldron that when stirred by my keyboard creates things I could never have imagined.
Three things you should know about me.
Writing is something I have to do. It’s not something I decide to do.
I love playing with imagination. There is no limit to it.
I find cats to be the most intuitive creatures.
That title just made me break out into a song...hope it gets stuck in your head too...so I'm not the only one singing it! ha
Good morning! Where do I start...time has sure flown by fast since I signed with my Agent. Today I sat in my chair as not just the Author of one book published but soon to be two. My smile is wide and I'm quite honored. Simply put my dream is my reality these days.
When I wrote "The Allow Factor" I had no idea it would put me on a path of speaking for broken women. I feel like an advocate for those without a voice and want so much to reach every woman that's broken. Let them know they have choices. There is always Hope and better days. "This too shall pass." motto.
I'm struggling with the marketing concept as I am trying to get my book out there. If you are a fellow Author you know the difficulty we face in being our own voice. But I'm not a quitter. And I work with the mindset that it needed to be done yesterday. I'm very driven and very persistent but not to the point of being pushy. Ok. Maybe I have days I'm pushy but today isn't one of them. :o)
My new Publishing company, Sarah Books Publishing, will be working on releasing my latest work called "Sailing Alice Marie." This book is not a book you easily relate to like TAF, no it's a book about a subject you don't ever want to see yourself in and when you read it you just get lost in it. It would make a great summer read but it's going to hit the press around the holidays so if you get snowed in, this is the book for you need. It's filled with all the yummy drama, the sweet love scenes, innuendoes, and tragedy. Like I said full force smack you in the face DRAMA! I cannot wait to walk through the process of editing, cover art, marketing (they are huge on marketing, yay!!), and final proofing. I will definitely keep you guys posted but we all are going to need patience with this one. Like I said look for it between Oct-Dec. (of course I will be keeping you informed)
My two sweet boys are turning 13 and 16 years old this summer year. Wow! Two big momentous years. I make a huge deal out of birthdays, have since they were born, so this year should be amazing memories for them. My babies are growing up. I know, I know...where has the time gone? I dunno. But I will say I have enjoyed every stage of their lives. I feel blessed to have been the chosen one to be their Momma.
This summer will be cray cray with the birthdays, travels, hopefully book signings, singing gigs with Ty, (a few festivals to play in too), Writing part two to TAF called "The Psycho Effect", and baking in the sun by the pool. I am taking a trip to Key West to see Ernest Hemmingways Home (over the top about this, he's my fav author) and a trip to Okla to spend time with my Family. I really hate I live so far away from them. I'm looking forward to celebrating the release of my book TAF with them too. I can't wait!! I believe in celebrations! Life is meant to be celebrated!
So with that last thought...go celebrate something...anything...YOU!!!
May the Good Lord always bless you and SMILE upon you!!!
What am I working on?
I have many irons in the fire; currently, I am in the midst of editing my third book, "Conspiracy of Ravens" and finishing up the sequel to my first book "Sideshow" (the sequel is called "Straw Houses). I am also writing a romance novel, a children's chapter book, another horror novel, and a few other things. There is really never a time when I'm not writing something!
How does my work differ from others of its genre?
I always bring my own voice to my work, but in particular, my book "Dead in the Water" strays a bit from conventional YA fiction, in my opinion. I feel as though my romantic content is a little closer to the truth of how teens feel about that particular subject. My problem with YA books of today is that the teens in the books are either prudes or promiscuous. I feel like my book has a happy medium (pardon the pun, and if you read it you'll understand!) on that score. Most YA books today seem to have a wishy-washy approach to violence among teens. Bullying is a huge problem in today's society, yet many YA books use dystopian landscapes and fictional creatures to distract from the real evil: that which their peers are capable of. True, my protagonist has a paranormal ability but you'll see how the main threat isn't the things that go bump in the night.
Why do I write what I do?
I love reading horror novels, always have. And recently I've started reading some YA fiction, and found that I loved that too. For "Dead in the Water" I decided to try and combine the two genres and apply some of what I know about teenagers, to try and deliver a message. In fact, the whole concept and completion of "Dead in the Water" was for my students; my first book is a very adult horror novel and they were dismayed to learn they could not have a copy in the school library. I wrote "Dead in the Water" specifically for them. Other books I write for different reasons; most of the time, it's just for me, because I have to.
How does my writing process work?
Once I get an idea for a book, it sets up an echo in my head and I can't stop thinking about it. I begin researching the topic exhaustively until I know as much as I think is necessary to write about the topic with some authority but not too much to distract from the fictional element. For instance, the inspiration for my first book, "Sideshow" came when I was driving one hot August afternoon. I was stopped at a traffic light, bored, hot. The little girl in the dirty pickup behind my car looked completely miserable and it struck me that we should run away to the circus together, and imagined some of what could be making her look so unhappy. It set up that echo in my head and before I knew it, I was obsessed with writing the story. The same thing has happened with everything I've written. It just comes to me.
Three things you should know about me.
I will read anything. Absolutely anything.
I always wanted to be a writer, since I was little, and I've won awards as a child but gave up writing to have a family.
I love my family more than anything, even though I'm always killing them off in my books.
Readers can visit me at www.facebook.com/chrystalwrites or stop by my blog at www.chrystalvaughan.blogspot.com. I'm also on Twitter (TheChrystalShip) and Instagram (ChrystalVaughan). What else....oh yeah! My books are available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and I'm also on Goodreads. Finally, I encourage readers to email me at email@example.com.
For the next week I'm sharing interviews with other Authors. It's a chance for you to get to know them and check out their work. Please read John's story. His book "A 38 Day Education" will be coming out June 2nd.
Author John Guzzardo...
What are you working on?
You mean aside from keeping my sanity? My current schedule includes promoting the release of my first novel, “A 38 Day Education,” to be released by Solstice Publishing under the Solstice Horizons label on June 2. I’m also working on revisions to “Change Rising,” the sequel to my first novel which I hope Solstice will offer me a contract for as well.
How does your work differ from others of its genre?
There aren’t too many novels which focus this much on college life that are not romance works. This work aims more at politics, mystery and personal change, with just a sprinkle of romance. It’s got a little something for everyone!
What’s your motivation for writing?
I wrote this book because of the simple fact that many people today feel like they have no hope of doing something better. This book is about taking an opportunity given you, however unwanted, and making the most of it. It also illustrates, to those who are powerful, that real leaders often come from the place you least expect, and can surprise us in amazing ways.
How does your writing process work?
Hard as it is to believe, I ‘”talk” the scenes out first in my private time, usually when my wife and son are at work. I’ll talk out the scene in the car or the shower, and when I put “pen to paper,” it’s easy to see what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes, I have to take some time away to clear my mind, and then it’s back to the grindstone. I can write for hours on some days and, on others, I don’t want to see a pen, paper, computer screen or keyboard. It’s all in how my soul operates.
What are some strange things about you readers would like to know?
First, I’m Italian, but I don’t really like Italian food that much – yes, strange, but true – my favorite cuisine is Chinese. Second, I hate touch screen table computers; I have to feel the clack of a keyboard. Also, I love to look at highway sign pictures – I’m with you would call a “roadgeek” and my wife considers me a “Human GPS.” Finally, I actually hated writing as a kid because when I misbehaved, my teachers made me write the old “I will not…” sentences. Once had to write “I will not forget to do my homework” almost 700 times. Ironic, huh?
What am I working on?
Currently marketing for my book “The Allow Factor” that was released through Summer Solstice Publishing May 5th. In my spare moments I am jotting down the sequel to “The Allow Factor” called “The Psyco Effect” in hopes of having it wrapped up by the end of summer. Then I will be approaching part three in the book series.
My latest piece “Sailing Alice Marie” is pure romance and fiction. It’s one of those books you just get lost in while your toes are busy digging in the sand. It is currently with my Agent being shopped for a publisher.
How does my work differ from others of it’s genre?
It’s relatable yet dreamy. There’s a guy that may not be the perfect guy but maybe the guy you just dated. The one who broke your heart and kept coming back for more. There’s advice and aha’s along the way to make you question your heart and show you how worthy you are to be someone’s forever Bride.
Why do I write what I do?
This particular book was written for all my broken women friends. I wanted to reach out to them, show them there is healing, you don't stay broken forever. I feel the need to help and build them up back to the woman they once were. Only this time, stronger, wiser, and more beautiful. I’ve yet to meet a woman that I couldn’t relate to. I’ve been there, broken, and I want to be that voice that’s there for them to remind them of what the Good Lord has in-store for them.
Women are natural responders. You give love to us you get love seven fold. It’s the way we are designed. You hurt us, well you know...
How does my writing process work?
Spontaneity and prayer. I do not plan to write I write when it hits me. Ideas come at me full force and when they do I am forced to jot them down or record via voice memo into my phone.
I never have a clue where it’s going or where it ends up. There are times I’ll start off thinking it’s going one direction then a character or idea will pop up and stir it into another. I love getting into the head of my characters. So deep sometimes, that they are sitting right next to me telling me how they feel.
I’m my worst critic. “I don’t know why anyone would want to read my book!” But I know in my heart the story is good when it makes me laugh or cry. And the best part comes when I don’t remember even writing that line. That’s my WOW factor.
Three things you should know about me..
The Good Lord always has my back.
My greatest accomplishment in life are my two boys.
I love to write.
We arrived shortly after nine p.m. and the party was hopping. There were people spilling out into the lobby, loud laughter filling the high ceilings, the sound of glassware clinking all over the room. Sofie introduced me to a few friends at first, and then she excused herself from me leaving me standing beside the bar. I didn’t mind. I didn’t want to be introduced to anyone else she knew. I was right where I belonged. I wanted to drink and be left alone.
I climbed up on a stool and ordered water and a shot of tequila with some extra lemon wedges. The bartender flashed his pretty brown eyes at me and dropped a few lemons on a napkin in front of me. I downed the shot, asked for another, and threw a fifty on the bar. The bartender filled my shot glass again while I sucked on a lemon. He set a few more on my napkin and grinned. He waited as I licked all the salt off the glass, tilted my head back, threw back the shot, and sucked the lemon between my teeth. Not very lady-like but who cares? I’m sure he sees this behavior all the time.
I raised my forefinger for my third refill and mumbled something that sounded like “one more time.” He was standing by to honor my request. After this shot, I sat there silently with a blank stare and sucked on all the lemons on my napkin smearing my lipstick as I went. I liked the tangy taste they provided in my mouth. I could now feel something, the alcohol. I was no longer feeling lonely I was numb. Yay me.
The feeling of warm blood rushing through my veins and pooling somewhere underneath the skin wrapped within this black, teeny dress was heaven to me. After about five minutes, which seemed like a lifetime, I ordered my fourth shot but who’s counting. This one I didn’t even taste. It was smooth. It skipped the lips, tongue and went straight to my chest heating me up more. Oh, yeah. That shot went straight to the girls!
“What’d ya do? Change brands on me, doll?” I smiled with a wink now displaying my southern charm and looking him over. He was quite handsome for such a little guy. Not a hair on his head was out of place. He was clean-shaven and had dimples poking in his cheeks. The young man with pretty brown eyes just smiled and replied, “No, mam.”
“Hmm…well that one went down very smooth. Very nice. By the way… if you don’t mind my asking, how old are you, doll?” He looked very young to be serving me drinks. “Eighteen…twenty? You can’t be a day over twenty-one. Hmm?”
He batted his beautiful eyes and answered my question, “Actually twenty-two, mam.”
“Call me Sadie.” His handshake was firm and dry.
“Never too young for a pretty lady like you, Ms. Sadie.” He shook his head, laughed and waited for me to order another shot. I suppose by now he was thinking I was a lonely old chick needing to have the attention of a young man tonight, even if it was at the expense of my ironclad gut. If truth were told, I was lonely but not desperate and I hadn’t stood up yet. I knew once I did I would feel the effects of all those shots. Then I’d probably be walking around crooked and blowing chow in the nearest restroom. I was a lightweight. I never have been able to hold my liquor. Of course, it never stopped me from drinking again, I just accept the fact I suck at the game.
Was I imagining it? Did I wish him here so badly that this was all in my head? I knew I was desperate but he really looks real. And so good. Did he say something? What did he say? What the hell is he doing here? How did he get in? I never heard the door open. I must be hallucinating. I hear you can drive yourself crazy and don’t even know you’re crazy. Then you start making new friends with other crazy people and you don’t even know they’re crazy. Only those closest to you know how crazy you truly are and the beauty of it all is you never know. It’s like your mind is blocked from you seeing your true self. I suppose it could be true. I mean, we can never really see ourselves.
“I didn’t hear you knock.” I finally barked. If it was my imagination and I yell at him, he’ll go away, right?
“I didn’t knock. The key was in the door though. You need to stop doing that, that’s dangerous.”
“Yeah, so I see.”
Did I mention he looked good? Better than the last time I saw him, and he was naked the last time I saw him. He looked like he had gained some muscle weight too; that had me a little curious as to just how much and where. So I took another good look. A speechless look I suppose; an overall assessment of his body just out of curiosity.
“Funny.” He grinned, watching me look him over. “I was just stopping by to say hello. I texted you.”
“You texted?” I stammered. He smiled wide now and his eyes lit up. He knew I was lying. He knew I got his text; I just wasn’t going to admit I did. He knew he had me. To be honest, it wouldn’t have taken much.
“So what do you want?” I was trying to sound like I didn’t give a damn and it was no big deal that he was standing in my kitchen. I’m not good at pretending. My butterflies were dancing. Yeah, they were happy. Shame on them.
“I miss you.” He wasted no time getting right down to it.
“Yeah, well…” I turned around, shying away from him. I was having a hard time keeping my composure and wasn’t sure if I should cry, or just be happy that he surprised me.
“I’m sorry, Sadie, what else do you want me to say? You know I want you in my life.” He moved face to face with me looking down into my eyes now. He had my body in line with his not two inches from my heart. How does he do that? He's so quick and so smooth with his movements. He grabbed me and hugged me all the while asking if he could have the hug, yet taking it despite of how I felt. There was no stopping his arms. They wrapped tight around me and his hands were all over, up and down my back. He was moaning and sighing as if I felt good pressed up against him so I hugged him back. How could I not? As angry and as broken as I was, truth was I missed the hell out of him and it was unfair so unfair of him to just barge into my apartment and invade my heart again. How dare he? How dare he feel so good? How dare he like it? How dare he kiss me like he did, like he missed me?
I began writing years ago as some of you know. I was always creating characters and personalities with my dolls and stuffed animals at a very early age. Everything that surrounded me had 'life'. It was the way I saw the world. So it was no surprise when I began my journey of writing novels it would be so easy for me, so forthcoming. It's second nature and something that brings me great joy. I just never thought I would write in the romance genre. Not that I didn't like romance books, actually I never read them. Janet Evonovich's plum series is the closest thing to a romance novel that I have read. I guess those classify, but not in the mushy take me now kind of way. I'm a hopeless romantic and just like all the other little girls, my prince charming was very stereotyped too. He was very white horse, sweep you off your feet and highly charming. Hmm. Not any man I dated fit that criteria of course.
After years of being married, when I returned to my pen or as you can say keyboard these days and jumped back into writing, my Hero's in my books were not rescuers, no they were the boy next door, the one who blows you away with the breath of that first kiss, the one who stares at you from across the room and melts your heart. And their situations I felt needed to be identifiable. Something I had experienced or suffered or something I had seen my GFs go thru. But strangely enough I didn't write my first novel over any topic I had ever experienced. No I wrote it about a situation I would never want to find myself in, that I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with. I wrote it about a woman who married her 'first lovers' brother. And how being cast into his family as his sister-in-law with very real feelings for him still, effected her. Even though I had never experienced such a pain I could write it as though I had and I suffered with her. It was filled full of Drama that you could easily get lost in too. A no brainer. An easy thinker.
I was quite thrilled with this book called, "Sailing Alice Marie" but I had no luck selling my precious project. I couldn't find an Agent and countless of publishing companies turned me down. I had set a goal for my self to be published by the time I was forty, but my dreams were dwindling. It was heartbreaking to get those rejection letters so I filed my last re-write of the book and pursued another passion. I was exhausted.
Then one night, years later, I felt the pain of a new idea for a book, "The Allow Factor." I felt wholeheartedly that women were treated a certain way for one very main reason, they allowed themselves too. With that thought in my heart I wrote the book and poured every aha...every idea... every pain I ever felt in my forty plus years into it. I created a beautiful woman and a handsome man named to get my point across. I wanted women to know there is always hope... you have choices.
I polished my pretty piece and had someone read it. "It's good. Not my type, I like erotica." I was told. Hmm...good...hmm. I thought I had something. So a sweet friend of mine thought before I gave up please send it to her literary agency, let them take a look first. "You will love them!" she told me. So I did. And while I waited for a response I submitted my synopsis to other Agents marking each one off my list when the rejection emails returned. Then one day Brenda from GLA (my sweet friends Agent) sent me a rejection. I was crushed. I sent my pretty manuscript to one more friend and asked her to read it. What was I missing? I already heard it was good, right? What is it? Not good enough? It was a good story this I knew and one everyone related too. I didn't get it.
She wasted no time getting back to me. "I don't like your guy or your girl, they bore me." What? "I don't like them, especially her!" Oh my, my girl was adorable, at least in my mind she was, but I took her criticism with a smile and said Thank you for being honest. And I reopened my manuscript. How can I make you fall in love with her? At the time her name was Bella (what was I thinking, not twilight) so I changed it to Sadie. Then I revamped the whole time frame, where she was, what was the source of her pain, how would she survive it. Then I had to make you fall in love with Radley because at the time he was an ASS plain and simple. But you had to love him first right? Just as I had. And it worked.
One night I was Facebook catching up on everyones lives and I received a message in my inbox from Brenda of GLA. She apologized for not accepting my manuscript, what a sweet lady to apologize. She owed me no apology. I told her that it was ok, I understood and added I had changed a few things around, added more detail, and I added "I know someone will buy my book, I know it's good." With that she said to give her two weeks and send it to her again with the changes. She would take one more look. Wow. I had a second chance. Yay!
Back to the manuscript to refine once again then I waited as she had asked me too then I sent it. She immediately offered me a contract. That was October. I CELEBRATED!! Now the real work began...ha...She had to sell it. Nothing was promised. We went back and forth thru the holidays answering request from different publishers. Jan 30, 2014 I received an email stating Solstice Publishing was interested in my book so I CELEBRATED when I signed the contract. I CELEBRATED when I was assigned a cover artist... how cool! Someone else was doing the art work! When the art work was finalized and I saw my pen name Olivia Gracey for the first time I cried like a baby ... then I CELEBRATED! When I was assigned a Editor it scared me to death and made me extremely nervous. This was the point in which all my hard work was going to be dissected and ripped to shreds. The truth comes out at this point if your a good writer, I was a nervous wreck! (btw one round of editing ;) And with this I CELEBRATED! Now the proofreader has her turn... and I'm waiting in the wings to CELEBRATE the final pdf copy of my sweet masterpiece. I plan to CELEBRATE when it hits Ebooks... then I'll probably pass out when I actually hold the printed copy in my hands! A moment I can't wait to CELEBRATE!
My journey has been a sweet one... The Good Lord has blessed me with what I love to do most, write. I plan to reach many women (and some Men) with my book. And I plan to CELEBRATE every little step. Life is worth CELEBRATING!!! Never stop CELEBRATING and never give up on what you love the most!
Olivia Gracey...Mother, Fiction Romance Writer, Realtor, Singer/Songwriter for Just Gracey, Photographer, Consider myself very blessed. I love a good workout and I love to dance in my socks!
"For just a mere time I felt safe, unbroken and loved. Just a mere moment in time I felt loved once again; Loved by the man who broke me."