It’s the moment of truth. The moment I accept where I am in my life. I stand at my door with my hand on the knob wondering if I did the right thing. But how will I know unless I open the door? As I bite down on my lip I remind myself, it’s just a date. One date. No commitment here. No reason to get flustered or worried over nothing. He’s just a guy, I’m just a girl, ok a lonely girl I admit, but nevertheless a girl who hasn’t been on a date in a very long time.
The last one was a bulldozed disaster that lasted through all of football season. And I swore I wouldn’t be so eager to start up with someone for a while. No, that one burned a whole within me. But this one was cute, handsome actually, and had a nice smile. Not a dimple wide smile mind you, no this cutie’s mouth wasn’t that wide, just nice. He does have pretty brown eyes and what seemed a nice package unless there’s a sock or two stuffed in there, I could be wrong.
No, now that I think of it, and I so seldmly do these days, I’m thinking there was no room for socks. But He was a little guy by that I mean short. I’m just hoping he’s taller than me. Sigh. If only I knew what would play out the next few hours before I opened this door, I wouldn’t be so nervous. I would know whether to pretend I’m not home, or answer with a grin, or better yet a glass of wine in my hand. Yes! That’s a great idea! Wine!
I tiptoed to the fridge and pulled out the bottle I had placed in there earlier to chill. I grabbed the opener off the counter and proceeded to open the bottle, I could have waited on him, but no. I needed a drink first. My hands were whacky, my nerves were shot, and I was coming unglued at the seams now. The seams around every inch of my soul were crumbling and for what? Hell if I know. I quickly grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and poured. The wine tasted so good when it hit my tongue that it made my feet maneuver back over to the door quite swiftly. It felt like rocket fuel. I was ready to go! All warm and fuzzy feeling inside no longer scared of the what if's.
Hmm...now where was I, oh yeah he’s still knocking, he’s still there. Great! So I reached palming the knob with my hand with one quick turn and there he was standing right before my very eyes.
“What are you doin here?” I asked as mean as I could muster.
“That wasn’t nice.” He grinned. Did I say grin? Yeah, like a cat with a nest of baby birds. I wanted to beat the crap outta that cat kind of feeling came over me.
“I wanted to see you.”
“Why?” Why am I asking? What did it matter? He needed to leave. He shouldn’t even be here. I made it very clear the last time we spoke he was never invited back.
“I missed you.”
“Well, I have a date, you need to get outta here before he arrives.”
I shut the door fast in his face and leaned back up against the door with my glass in hand chugging every last drop of my delicious wine till there was no more, licking the remnants off the rim, desperately needing a refill. “Go away,” I shouted but I was pretty sure he didn’t. I turned and took one quick peek out the peep hole and nope, he was still standing there with his bobbled head.
“Ugh!” I trotted back to the kitchen to refill my empty glass with rocket fuel all the while trying to remember if I had locked the door, then I was reminded I had not, as he was standing before me not inches away from my lips now.
“You’re a little creepy when you do that you know!”
“Come in unannounced!”
“Wasn't unannounced, you knew I was here.” He was still smiling. Smiling that old familiar smile that had his dimples dancing. Damn. What is he doing here? I can’t do this. I’m not ready to get in a conversation with him or make idle chat. I’m not ready for him to be anywhere near me as a matter of fact. He needs to go. He needs to go now!
“Yea but outside not inside. What do you want Radley?” My words were matter of fact but my heart was matter of mush. I missed him and oh how I missed him but he wasn’t going to know that. And I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction to think there’s a slight chance I was glad he was here. Because I wasn’t. Wasn’t glad he was here that is.
“I just wanted to stop by and say hi.” His attempt at a hug was received cold and uninviting. “Just wanted to see how you were, are you ok? You doing good? You ok?” His hands had not stopped touching me and rubbing all the curves of my backside.
“Don’t I look like I'm doing good? Geez.” I pushed him away.
“You look great!”
And there it was, that charm. That drag me by the hair not kicking or screaming charm that won me over years ago. Yes, he still had it. He was laying it on thick now. His twinkling blues were winking at me and his pearly whites were not two inches from my ruby red lips.
“Whats your point?”
“No point, just saying.”
“Well, you’re not aloud to be ‘just sayin’ now, please leave I have a date and he doesn’t need to see you here.” I whined.
“A date? With who?”
“You don't know him.”
“Then tell me his name.”
“No, its non of your business, besides you are leaving.” I grabbed his hand and led him to the door angrily. I couldn’t take much more of him being in my kitchen stinking it up with his yummy cologne. “You’ve got to go, go now!” I shouted as I opened the door.
“Fine, fine, going, but let me say one thing before I go. Please.”
“What?” I sighed deep and let out a huge breath of air exhaling all over his mile wide chest. How unfair his chest was to lay so large, so strong before my eyes. Had I forgotten how large it was or had it grown since I last saw him? Either way it was nice.
His kiss was soft and tender on my lips, so soft I unknowingly closed my eyes. I opened them to the sound of the door closing. For a moment my heart skipped a few beats, maybe even stopped all together. I took a deep breath in trying to regroup and forget he had been there. It was just a bad dream. A dream to throw me off guard due to my lack of confidence within myself and with the date that was soon to be arriving at my door.
Another knock appeared before I had the chance to move an inch. I opened it fast and furious, now feeling as though I had been taken advantage of, and ready to scrap the hell out of him for barging back into my heart making a mess of things. “What now?” I shouted at the little man before me. Not at all what I expected, not without flowers and a bottle of fine wine. I took a good hard look at the little man with combed over hair, a blue plaid shirt, a little grin, and an easy three inches shorter than me. I snatched the fine wine from his grasp as I slammed the door, this time locking it behind me.
“Nope, not happening tonight.”